Anything You Need
by LazyMasochistBoot
Summary: Edward would like to think that his Bella still exists. He'd like to believe that all the years of pain were just a formality and that soon his Bella would return to him. That this monster in her place is only temporary. But he's wrong. Bella's gone.
1. Anything She Needs

**A/N: Yet another fic and this one is totally different than any I've done before because of the fact that it isn't a Humor fic or something like that. It's Angst. A genre I've never tackled before or been interested in. I never even read Angst so this is really out of my element…but it's a story that I really believe in**

**This story will be in EPOV unless I really need Bella to say something and it will also be told through flashbacks into their relationship and its evolution so essentially it's kinda told backwards…**

**Wow, the tone of this authors note is angsty, what is this story doing to me?**

**So...I'll see you at the bottom…**

**Without further ado...please enjoy PussyWard and Psychella...**

** What do I look like? The Wizard of Oz?**

** You need a brain?**

** You need a heart?**

** Take mine. Take everything I have. **

** —Stephenie Meyer(Jacob)**

** Chapter One: "Anything She Needs"**

__  
><em>"Okay, dad, see you later!" I called to my father as I shut the car door and jogged to the front of my new friend Jasper's house. I had only just moved here to Forks last week and he was my first friend, the only one who hadn't inundated me with questions my first day of school. To say the least, the guys here hadn't given me a very warm welcome—but the girls had.<em>

With a fond smirk as I remembered the girls' attention, I knocked on Jasper's door and tucked my bag under my arm. After a few seconds, the door opened and there Jasper stood with his overgrown blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail.

_"What's up, man? Come on in," he stepped back to let me in, his southern voice excited. "I gotta go help my sister with her water wings and shit." I glanced around nervously, in case his parents were around to hear him swear. He laughed, "We got the house to ourselves, man. Just us and my damn sister. Anyway, I'll be back, the pool is that way," he pointed towards the double glass doors on my right. "Make yourself at home," he suggested before turning and jogging up the stairs.  
><em>  
><em>I made my way to the glass doors, passing through the dining room, smiling at how warm and welcoming the house was. A bowl of fruit was on the table and four chairs surrounded it, one covered in pink and orange stickers. Must be his sister's chair. I wonder how old she is and if she's as big a pain in the ass as Jasper made her out to be.<br>Sliding the glass door open, I stepped out. His backyard was huge. The whole thing was fenced in as a mass of trees resided behind his house. A large pool sat in the middle of it and a few feet over to the left was a regular green-grass yard with a trampoline and various garden flowers all around. It was at least five times bigger than my yard at home was and my new house was pretty big.  
><em>  
><em>I kicked my sandals off and pulled my shirt over my head before I sat on the edge of the pool, dipping my feet in the cool water of the pool. I closed my eyes and imagined I was back home—in my real home—in California. With sand between my toes and with my old friends Embry and Caius by my side.<br>_  
><em>"Bella, watch where you're going!" Jasper yelled.<br>_  
><em>"What?" I turned just in time to see a blur of a pink person crash into me and knock the both of us into the pool. Rising back up to the surface, I shook my head and pushed my hair out of my face. "What the hell happened?" I asked Jasper. Sighing, he pointed behind me.<br>_  
><em>I quickly turned and saw a girl floating above the water, wearing giant pink water wings. She was biting her lip shyly and her long, brown, wet hair was hanging in her face, the ends resting on her hot pink bathing suit. She was beautiful. "Bella, this is Edward; Edward, this is my pain in the ass little sister, Bella," Jasper explained.<br>_  
><em>"Sorry, Edward," Bella mumbled in a voice that matched her pretty face. Her big brown eyes looked apologetic. "It's just…Jasper was chasing me and ugh—it's all his fault!" she glared at her brother and folded her arms.<br>_  
><em>"No worries," I said, smiling at her.<br>_  
><em>She grinned back and my teenaged heart started to thump in my chest. "I like your new friend, Jasper," she said before ducking underneath the water.<br>_  
><em>I swam back to the side of the pool with Jasper. "So, how old is your sister?" I asked him as nonchalantly as I could. What if she was like…eleven or something? It'd be creepy.<br>_  
><em>"Thirteen." So she was only two years younger than the two of us... I could like her and it wouldn't be considered too creepy. "Now get in the pool, Cullen!" he yelled before diving in, splashing me. With a laugh, I joined my friend and his gorgeous sister in the pool.<br>_  
><strong>=AYN=<strong>

_I thanked whatever God made it possible when Jasper went into the house to take a phone call from his parents, leaving me alone with Bella for the first time that evening. The sun was starting to set and Bella and I were sitting on the edge of the pool with our feet in the water, completely pruny and soggy after spending an hour and a half in the water. I was still thinking of a way to start up a conversation with her when she started speaking._

"So, Edward," she started, her voice taking on an authoritative and professional edge. "You're fifteen right? A sophomore like my brother?" She slid her water wings off and tossed them behind us before turning to me, her eyes probing my face.

_I was nervous. Nervous over a __**thirteen**__ year old? Man up, Cullen. "Yea. Yea, I am."  
><em>  
><em>"What do you think about younger girls?" she asked, bluntly reaching up to run a hand through my hair. She leaned into me, looking me right in my eyes. Her brown ones seemed to see right through me. I swallowed hard.<br>_  
><em>"They're okay." I shrugged, trying hard not to let how much she was affecting me show.<em>

"Okay?" She huffed. "You know, Edward, I realize that I'm only thirteen

_**but**__ I know what signs to look for when a guy is into you. And you like me, there's no use in pretending you don't!" she crossed __her arms and raised a brow, daring me to disagree. _

_My jaw dropped. She was so forward. She obviously knew what she wanted. And I found that extremely hot. "Okay, so I like you…what are you gonna do about it?" I teased._

"We have 30 seconds," she announced before suddenly pressing her lips to mine. My eyes got wide, surprised and caught off guard by the kiss but I immediately closed them when Bella put her hand on my knee and leaned further into me. It was the simplest of kisses; nothing but her lips against mine but it stirred something inside me. Her audacity, plus her hand on my knee and the feel of her lips on mine meant so much more. It made my heart thump. It was the most exhilarating experience of my life. The most important day of my life.

_The day I fell in love with Bella Swan._

**_=AYN=_**

I shot straight up in bed and looked around the dark room. A look at the clock told me that it was 12:10 in the morning. I ran a hand through my hair before reaching over to turn the lamp on the beside table on.

My heart was pounding from the contents of my last dream. Remembering my first day with Bella. My first kiss with Bella. _Bella._  
>I looked to my left at the naked body beside me. She was on her stomach with her face turned from me, her hand tucked under her pillow. The sheets were bunched around the bottom half of her torso, leaving her gorgeous, pale back bare. I ran my fingertips over her skin lightly so I wouldn't wake her or disturb her dreams. I smiled. <em>Maybe she's dreaming of me. <em>

I leaned down to gently kiss one of the many freckles on her shoulder, closing my eyes as I pressed my lips to her skin. She stirred a bit and made a little humming noise but soon her breathing returned to normal.

It was the times like this that I loved, when she was asleep and peaceful. When I could touch her freely and as much as I wanted without her asking for more. For _harder_. For_ faster_. This was the time when I could worship her body, giving it all the love Bella would never let me give her. But I loved her. I was in love with her. And I had been for twelve years. And I always would be.

I brushed her hair back from her face, ignoring the fresh, purple bruises on my arm from earlier on in the evening. She didn't mean to, I'm sure. She had a tough night. It wasn't her fault. She came home so upset. I traced my fingers over the dry trail that her tears had left behind on her cheek. She needed me. She always needed me. And I'll always be there for her. To do anything I can to make her feel better. To be everything to her and for her. To give her _anything she needs_.

=**AYN=**

***peeks* Well... there ya go. Leave me a review...pretty please? Mah Twitter is (at) ElmoStew, come stalk me. Next chapter in a week!**

~LazyMasochist(Marie)


	2. I Didn't Mean It, Forgive Me

**A/N: Hey guys, so here's chapter 2 of this story. Meh. I really wish more people were reading because this story is something that I'm really invested in and really passionate about so y'know if you could pass it along, share it in a forum...that kind of stuff, that'd be great. **

**Anyway, enough with my nagging...please enjoy more PussyWard and Psychella... **

**_ If you love somebody, let them go  
>For if they return, they were always yours<br>And if they don't, they never were…  
>—Kahlil Gibran<em>**

"I'm so fucking late! Why didn't you wake me up?" Bella yelled at me as she shuffled around the room, picking up things she needed. She was late—yet again—for her shift at Matheson's Bar and Grill because we'd both overslept. "James is gonna be on my ass about being late again!" She put her small hoop earrings on and pulled on a shirt that was cut short so that her entire stomach showed, the words 'Vitamin R Beer' written across her chest. "Thanks a-fucking-lot, Edward. Really, fucking thank you!" She screamed with a glare before grabbing her keys and stomping out of the room. I heard the door slam a few minutes after.

I ran my hand through my hair, pulling the ends as I mentally chastised myself for being so stupid and not remembering to set her alarm. Now I'd made her late. And angry with me. Again.

Pulling myself out of bed, I picked up my boxers from the floor and slipped them on before heading to the kitchen to find something to eat. A torn and empty Pop Tart box was on the counter and I figured Bella had grabbed some for lunch—seeing as how it was 12:15 and she hadn't been able to eat breakfast or lunch because of me.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I mumbled to myself as I pulled out a box of Frosted Flakes from the cabinet above the microwave. Grabbing a bowl, I poured the cereal in, leaving enough room for the milk.

_She was so fucking angry at me_, I thought as I retrieved the milk from the fridge. Why couldn't I have remembered to set the fucking alarm this morning while I was awake? I should've done that instead of staring at her—which she'd told me not to do countless times. God, I'm such a fuck up. I'm always making her upset. We fight almost everyday over shit I do, it'd ridiculous. I thought back to our first fight as I started to pour the milk…

**=AYN=**

_"Fuck," Bella moaned as I slid into her. I groaned as I felt her familiar warmth around my cock. It was amazing how we seemed to fit together perfectly. How she seemed to be made for me. Bella started to grind up into me, effectively drawing my attention back to the task at hand._

_I started to thrust into her slowly, enjoying how she tightened around me. Just enjoying her. But, as always, Bella hissed out, "Faster," and she grabbed my ass pulling me closer, deeper. I complied to please her, quickening my pace more and more until she was writhing beneath me, moaning my name. Sex with Bella was amazing, always amazing, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted it slow sometimes. I want to worship her. To make love to her. Not just fuck her._

_"Ungh yess! More!" she groaned, her back arching and I pulled back before slamming into her once more, grunting with the force. "Fuck, Edward, just like that!" Her hands tangled in my hair as I lowered my mouth to her chest, sucking hard on one of her nipples and moaning against her skin as I started to feel myself nearing my orgasm._

_I reached between us to frantically rub her most sensitive spot and her hands tightened in my hair. "Come for me, Bella," I breathed in her ear, thrusting as fast as I could._

_Whimpering my name, Bella's back bowed off the bed and her eyes fell closed as she came, chanting my name in moans and sighs. Seeing her come undone tipped me over the edge and I groaned her name as I emptied myself into the condom. I fucking hated those things._

_I pulled out of Bella and reluctantly rolled off of her, kissing her forehead before taking the condom off, tossing it in the trash can beside her bed. I pulled Bella into my arms, kissing her hair as she laid her head on my chest, curling into me. "Thank you," she said._

_"'Thank you'? What are you thanking me for?" I asked, confused._  
><em>She laughed, her breath passing over my skin. "The sex, Edward," she said as if it should have been obvious.<em>  
><em><br>"Bella, you don't have to thank me for that. It's not a chore, Bella…" I decided that she should know just how she makes me feel. She should know how important she is to me. "You're my everyt—"_

_"Don't say it," she sighed. To say I was wounded would be an understatement. She didn't want to know how much she meant to me? She didn't want my love. I stared at a crack in the ceiling, desperately wanting to climb in a hole and just die. I'd obviously made her feel pressured. It was too soon to talk like that to her. Yes, it'd been three years but with the sex thing we'd just started, she was probably feeling overwhelmed. I freaked her out. I'm so stupid, she's not ready. "My parents are getting a divorce," she whispered, sitting up. She leaned back against the headboard, pulling the cover over herself and staring intently at the crème colored fabric._

_I didn't get it. Her parents were the happiest couple I'd ever seen. The last time I had seen them, they were baking together in the kitchen. That'd only been last week. How could they be getting a divorce? "My mom says that dad has been holding her back from the things she wants to do in life. My dad says that mom expects too much from a tiny town like this."_

_I didn't know what to say. I couldn't imagine how she must be feeling. "Bella, I'm sure they'll work things out-"_

"_They're signing the papers today! There's no working anything out," she yelled angrily, covering her face with her hands. "How could I have been so stupid? They've been lying to us for weeks!"_

_I sat up and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her to my side. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart." Her body started to shake with silent tears and they dripped onto me as she buried her face in my neck. "Everything will be fine in time, I promise."_

_"Jasper knew," she sniffed. "He told me he's known for weeks and was waiting for the right time to tell me. He told me after school…how the fuck is that the_

_**right **time?"_

_I was going to fucking kill him for this. For doing this to her. "Bella, it's-"_

_"It will not fucking be okay, Edward!" she yelled. "The people I love lied to me for **weeks**! Fucking weeks, Edward!" she pounded her fist on my chest as she spoke. It hurt but if she needed to do it to get better…I just wanted her to be happy. "Everyone's a fucking liar! They all lie to me, I have no one," she decided as she pulled away from me and climbed out of bed, pulling her clothes on._

_No. "Bella, stop, you have me. I love you," I said without thinking. Bella froze, staring at me with her shirt half way on. There was no taking it back._

_"What?" she gasped. "What did you say to me?"_

_"I said…I said I love you." I clenched my fist and tried to put on a brave face as I waited for her response._

_She scowled. "How the fuck could you say that to me? Are you serious?_

_**Right now?**__"_

_"Bella-"_

_"Get out! Get the fuck out!" she screamed, throwing my clothes at me piece by piece. "Now!" she ordered when I sat, looking at her confusedly. Jumping at the sound of her voice, I flew from bed and hurriedly pulled them on._

_"Bella, please, tell me what I did wrong," I begged._

_"Get out, Edward! We're over, it's through…just leave."_

_"Bella-"_

_"I don't want to see you anymore," she whispered solemnly. I felt my heartbreak into a million pieces. I felt the darkest of shadows pass over me. I didn't get how Bella could let me go so easily. I didn't get how things could go so wrong. Why hadn't I just kept my mouth shut? Why?_

_**=  
><strong>__  
>Hours later, around midnight, I was on my side, attempting to sleep—attempting to dispel the thought of never seeing Bella again from my head; never being with her; never kissing her— when the squeaky door on my balcony opened. I turned around, alarmed, and saw Bella's silhouette coming towards me in the darkness. She pulled up the covers and slipped in bed with me, wrapping her arm around me and looking up at me with those eyes that seemed to sparkle even in the dark.<em>

_"I didn't mean it. Forgive me," she whispered, kissing my lips softly before closing her eyes to sleep. She was forgiven the minute she came back to me._

_She didn't mean it._

_=AYN=_

"Shit!" I yelled as milk dripped off the counter and onto the floor. The jug was empty, all of it's contents in the overflowing bowl and on the counter and floor. Great, now I have to clean this up before Bella gets home. As I reached for the mop, I noticed once more the bruises on my arm.

I should have said something to her about it. I should have done something to defend myself. No. No, I shouldn't have.  
>How could I even think about hassling her over this? She needed me. Shaking my head, I grabbed the mop and got to work.<p>

_I didn't mean it. Forgive me_


	3. I'm In, Always

**A/N: Helloooooo there guys! I'm back with another chapter and this one is one of my favorites. I've been consistent with updating lately but after the next chapter it's gonna get rough because I've started school...sucks, I know. But anyway, please enjoy this chapter and a special virtual hug to the anonymous Kaylee for being super awesome and your English was PERFECT. Love you guys!**

** Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?**

** —John Mendoza**

_Bella jumped out of the car before I'd even stopped it good. I'd never seen her so eager to go to school before. "Hey, wait up," I called to her, closing my car door. "No goodbye kiss?" I pouted and she smiled before running back to me. _

"_Sorry, I'm just a bit excited for today," she grinned. She had her hair pulled back in a messy bun and was wearing sweats today and she still made my day a bit brighter, even with the skies of Forks darkening quickly with the threat of rain. _

"_What's today?" I asked curiously, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. _

"_Jacob," she pointed over her shoulder, "is gonna teach me to ride dirt bikes today!" I looked behind her to see a russet skinned boy—who couldn't have been older than sixteen—posing against a dirt bike and glaring at me. He must be one of the kids from the rez. They're known for starting shit. _

"_And…how exactly did you meet Jacob?" I tried to keep the anger out of my voice but I didn't like the idea of Bella spending the entire day with this guy. And dirt bikes? Since when was she into extreme sports?_

"_Aw, don't be jealous. I met him through a…mutual friend. Look, can you cover for me?" she leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss me. "Please?" she looked up at me with those big brown eyes she knew I couldn't resist. _

"_You're ditching school to go with him?" I asked, wounded. _

"_I'm ditching to try something new," she insisted. _

"_Bella, I don't think this is the best idea…"_

"_I wasn't asking for your permission, Edward. I'm going. Don't be difficult, okay? I'll be fine. I'm counting on you."_

"_What about school?" I tried again._

"_Life's too short for school. I could be dead tomorrow." she smiled pleadingly. "Let me do this, okay?"_

_She kissed me once more before turning and jogging away; back to Jacob. She took a helmet from the boy and slipped it on her head, fastening the straps. "I won't need a ride home!" she yelled. "See you later!" She climbed on Jacob's bike, wrapping her arms around his waist and rode off with him, leaving me to look stupid in the parking lot alone._

_=AYN=_

_All fucking day I was on edge. She hadn't called me or texted. And every time I called her phone, it went straight to voicemail. It'd been more than eleven hours since she'd left. Charlie'd called two times to make sure she was okay and both times I lied to him. The first time he called I told him that Bella wanted to stay over for dinner, when he asked to speak to her, I told him she was in the bathroom. The second, he'd insisted I put her on the phone and I had to tell him that Renee had called and upset Bella and she was too busy bawling her eyes out to talk. After that, he hadn't called back. What if Charlie called Renee and found out that she hadn't even called? Bella would be in trouble and neither of her parents would trust me again. _

_I ran my hand through my hair then buried my face in my hands. Where the fuck are you Bella? _

"_Edward!" someone giggled and I looked up, startled, to see a wet Bella attempting to climb into my window. She was standing on the branch of the old tree outside my house, bracing herself on my window sill for support. She waved at me with a big grin on her face as I hastily approached the window. _

_What is she thinking? "Bella!" I chastised as I opened the window further and helped her in. She catapulted herself at me and knocked us both onto the floor. She laughed loudly as she crashed on top of me, her hair dripping water onto me and the carpet._

"_You should have seen your face!" she giggled, hopping to her feet, slinging water everywhere. As I stood, I noticed her wardrobe. She was wearing a soggy oversized man's t-shirt now. _

"_Where'd you get the shirt?" I asked as she leapt onto my bed and started jumping. _

"_It's Jacob's! He's soooo nice!" she wrung her wet hair out onto my floor. _

"_You're wearing Jacob's shirt? Why?" I swear to God, if he touched her…_

"_Don't piss yourself, Cullen! I hadda change my shirt 'cause I puked on my old one. Because," she looked around the room before whispering, "I don't handle my liquor very well." She busted into a fit of giggles and continued jumping. _

"_Are you drunk?" I asked. She was more than starting to worry me. _

"_I assure you, Edward Anthony, that I am not. Drunk!" The springs in my bed protested loudly as she started jumping higher and higher. "But I am hungry! Gimme, gimme, gimme," she chanted, leaping down and running for the bag of chips on the table. She practically tore open the bag and started stuffing chip after chip in her mouth, plopping down into my red bean bag chair. _

_As I watched her scarf up the chips like it was her last meal, it dawned on me. But I couldn't bring myself to believe it. "Are you high?" I asked disbelievingly. _

"_Am I high?" she repeated seriously, looking around confusedly. "Am I high? That is a good question!" she exclaimed, throwing a chip at me. "There was some stuff in a little baggie and I took it—does that mean I'm high?" she laughed. _

"_Damn it, Bella, dirt bikes, Quileute scum and now this?" I yelled at her. She threw another chip at me. _

"_Boo! You're so cranky!" She folded her arms and pouted and then started chuckling at herself. "So far gone!" she shouted, throwing her hand in the air in celebration. _

"_What the hell are you trying to prove, Bells?" _

"_Bella," she corrected, "is trying to prove nothing. I feel nothing! Look at me, Eddie, I'm high as a fucking kite and I don't feel anything!" she laughed, throwing her head back. "Join me!" she pulled a tiny plastic bag from her pocket and offered it to me. _

_I stared at the bag then back at her as she wiggled her eyebrows at me. "You brought drugs into my house?" _

"_Ugh, Cullen, you've always been so whiny." She rolled her eyes at me. _

"_I'm the whiny one? Me?" I pointed to my chest and she gave me a jerky nod. "Grow up, Bella! I get you've been through some tough stuff lately but you have to move on and stop all this shit!" I yelled. _

_She scowled at me. "You don't get it, you fucking perfect robot with all your money and your perfect fucking family! For people like me— this is life," she shook the bag at me. "This is living!" she shouted as if trying to convince me. "This is how I live, Edward!" she waved the bag back and forth at me _

_exaggeratedly. "This is me. High or not, fucked up from the inside out." She came to stand in front of me, grabbing my hand to drop the bag into it. Looking up at me with her glassy eyes she asked, "Now are you in or not?"_

_=AYN=_

I shot up in bed, panting and drenched with sweat. "Fuck," I hissed when I realized I was dreaming yet again. I wiped my face with the back of my hand, my elbow accidentally nudging Bella's shoulder.

She moaned, "What?"

"Nothing," I breathed, "go back to sleep, Bells." She turned over and leaned on her elbow to look at me, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"You called me Bells? Why are you sweaty?" her eyes brows pulled together. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Yea, it's fine." She got in late tonight, she needed to sleep instead of worrying about the 27 year old man who had a nightmare.

"Shh, come here," she opened her arms. I was hesitant, seeing as how cuddling wasn't exactly something Bella was known for, but I wrapped my arm around her and curled into her anyhow. She ushered my head to her chest and started to run her fingers through my hair. "Get some sleep, Eddie," she whispered.

I laid there for a while, focused on her steady breathing and the feel of her fingers in my hair. I felt my eyes getting heavy but I didn't want to sleep. Moments like this wouldn't exist once I was asleep and I knew that, when I woke, we'd never speak of it. It'd never happen again.

But this was life with Bella. I loved her and I had to accept this was her. Happy and sad. No matter what she did or who she chose to become in the future—she was still my Bella. She couldn't deny it and neither could I. She'd always be mine. Bella pulled me to her chest and held me tightly and I knew this was her way of saying 'sorry'. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to fall asleep.

_ "Now are you in or not?"_

_ I closed my hand around the bag. "I'm in. Always."_


	4. Don't Be Mad At Me

_****NOTE** This is SOFisticated1 updating for LazyElmo here. Her internet is down, hence the absent updates. So if you've been waiting a little bit too long… calm your tits (as she would tell me, I tell you). This fic has raised the bar for Elmo. She's testing her writing boundaries and ANGST is her thing! Have to say I'm very proud of her for this one. Enjoy! Laters.**_

**A/N: Thanks to the ones who are sticking with this story and for everyone who reviewed, once again Kaylee, your review made my day. I'm a sucker for compliments. I love you guys so much! And...just...thanks.**

_**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own the Twilight Saga… SM does.**

_**Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.**_

—_**Albert Einstein**_

**=AYN=**

"I'm going to pick up my check. See you later!" Bella called to me as she grabbed her keys and headed out the door. I sighed. I really wished I could have gone with her in case James tried to do something.

She really shouldn't be alone with him in that tiny payroll office. But I didn't offer to come along because I knew what Bella would say. 'It's fine. I can handle myself'.

The problem was: she couldn't. She couldn't protect herself very well. Really, I don't think she tries.

Actually, I think the only person she'd ever fight is me. I laughed without humor at the thought. The only one who's always been there for her is the one person she's pushing away…

**=AYN=**

_I looked around the mass of people, plugging my ears as the harsh bass of a metal song assaulted my ear drums. Where was she?_

_I checked my phone again—still no message. She left to go get drinks an hour ago. Where the hell was she? There were so many people here…maybe she's lost in the crowd or something. I pushed myself away from the wall and started to make my way through the gyrating, sweaty bodies dancing in the living room._

_The music, mixed with the smell of pot and beer, made my head start to ache. I just wanted to find Bella and get the fuck out of here. It was her who suggested we come to this stupid party on the rez and now she's ditched me?_

"_Bella!" I yelled once I'd made my way to the backyard. I inhaled the fresh air and looked around quickly. There were only a few people slumming around out here. Playing on the trampoline and sipping from the cliché red cups… "Bella, are you out here?" I tried again._

"_Damn it," I whispered, pulling my phone out and dialing her number again, already suspecting she wouldn't answer._

"_Edward, my man!" Bella slurred loudly in my ear. Oh, thank God._

"_Bella, where are you? Where'd you disappear to?"_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa, too many words, not enough sensical…ness," she laughed. "Where are my words?"_

"_Did you take something already?"_

"_The stuff in the baggie is my friend, Edwurrrrrd! Now come find me, Jake's gone to get me drinks!"_

"_Where are you?" I asked._

"_In the shed! Can you imagine the three of us together in the same room? Sexual tension!" she yelled, giggling._

"_Where's the sh-"_

"_Who are you talking to, Iz?" Jacob was apparently back._

"_No one," she sang._

"_Hang up then, I got something to show you, baby." His voice was getting louder as he got closer._

_Bella laughed. "What are you doing?"_

"_Don't worry-"_

"_Jacob, wait, what are you-" The line went dead._

"_Fuck, Bella?" I said into the dead phone. If he fucking touches her…I took off, running around the large backyard, searching for a shed. Where the fuck is—_

"_Jake, come on, stop!" Bella. The woods. I followed the sound of her voice, running into the mass of trees, ignoring the stabbing and scratching of the branches. A light shined through the window of the tiny, cramped shed. Why would she come into the woods with him? "Jake, seriously! Get off me!" I begged my feet to move faster, rushing to her. Crashing through the wooden door of the shed, panting and not at all thinking straight, I grabbed Jacob's black shirt and ripped him off of her._

"_What's the fucking deal, man?" Jacob roared as he turned on me with a murderous glare._

"_Edward!" Bella yelled as she scrambled to her feet._

"_If you ever touch her against her will again," I threatened, shoving him in the chest as I spoke._

_He laughed. "Scared of competition? Scared she'll pick me? Let's be real here, I give her what she wants; what she needs-"_

"_What, drugs? She doesn't need that or you, so just keep your fucking hands off of her-"_

"_It's a trade," he said with an obnoxious grin. "Her pussy for my drugs." I was shaking my head before he even finished his sentence. "Someone just didn't want to cooperate tonight," he added, throwing a look at Bella._

_No. Bella wouldn't do that. She wouldn't…give herself away for—for drugs? "Bella," I questioned, looking to her to tell me he was lying. She avoided my eyes and that was enough of a confirmation._

"_No."_

"_And it wasn't the first time," he smirked. He touched my Bella. So quickly, I could hardly even register it, my fist swung and hit him hard, leaving my hand throbbing. I struck him again and again, unable to stop myself as my fist landed on his face, his stomach, his jaw. I felt disconnected from my body, my hands moving on their own free will._

"_Edward, oh my God, stop!" Bella insisted. "Stop!"_

_I felt her hand on my shoulder, attempting to pull me off of Jacob, who was now on the ground, clenching his stomach, his face turning a sickening color. "Edward, stop-"_

_I stopped my hands as I heard the panic in her voice. My nostrils flared as I looked at the fucker on the floor. I wish he were dead. And at my hands. I picked myself up from the floor, shaking and breathing hard as I reconnected with reality and came down from whatever trance I was in, and walked out, my fists clenched at my sides._

"_God, Edward, what are you—Are you okay? You nearly killed him," she yelled, catching up with me. I had no patience for her right now. I was nearing the end of my rope with her. For her I sacrificed the better part of my teen years, I saved her countless times, helped her through so much shit and even poisoned myself with her drugs. For her._

_And what do I ever get in return?_

_What?_

"_Edward," she started. "I'm…I'm sorry-"_

"_I know," I shrugged. I didn't need to hear her lie to me._

"_It wasn't at all the same-"_

_I laughed humorlessly. "I'm sure."_

"_Can you not…Edward, I'm sorry, don't be…mad at me, please. Don't hate me."_

"_I'm not mad at you," I admitted truthfully. "And that's what I hate."_

**=AYN=**

The sound of the door opening ripped the old thoughts from my head. I looked up to see Bella walked in, her head down and her shoes in her hand. "Bella? You ok?"

"Umm… yeah. I'm fine," she sniffed and I was instantly on my feet.

"Bella," I cupped her cheek, making her look at me. Her eyes were red. "Why were you crying?"

"It's nothing, okay?" she smacked my hand away and pushed past me, headed for the room.

"Did he—did James do something—again?"

"No," she turned to me swiftly, her eyes wide. "No, just shut up! You don't get it."

"You say that to me much too often," I said quietly. "Why don't you help me understand, Bella? I want to help-"

"You can't help me, okay? So just stop trying!" she yelled.

"Bella, I can't ignore the fact that almost every time you come from that place you're crying. You can't let him to-"

"I can let him do whatever he wants! What's it to you, you're not my boyfriend so just fuck off!" she screamed at me.

She was right. I wasn't her boyfriend. But she was still my Bella. "Bella…please," I started, "just tell me what happened. I…I want to know why you're crying. Please."

"I fucked him. There. Are you happy now?" she threw her hands up. "But I guess it just wasn't enough.

He got angry because I'm not much of a second round kind of girl and so he attacked me. And I kicked him in the nuts," she ran her hands through her hair roughly. "In fact, I may have lost my job, so that's great," she added sarcastically. "I should…I should apologize."

"What?" I asked, positive that I must've misheard her.

"I need to apologize for kicking him. God, I'm so stupid," she started for the phone.

"This man…attacked you and you're going to apologize? Bella, what are you thinking?" I asked, snatching the phone from her hands. I'm not letting her do this. "You're going to apologize and then what—go back and give him what he wants?"

"Yes. Maybe. This is my job, Edward. Just give me the damn phone." She ripped the phone from my hands, glaring at me.

"Quit the job, Bella," I said as she started to punch numbers into the phone.

"No."

"Quit the job, Bella!"

"No!" she put the phone up to her ear.

"Quit the job, Bella!" I yelled as she ignored me. "Quit the job, Bella! Quit the fucking job, Bella!" I bellowed, snatching the phone from her and throwing it into the wall with all my strength, breaking it in two.

"What the fuck is your problem?" she said just as loudly, shoving me in the chest. "It's not your fucking life!"

"Fine, call him! But I am not picking up after your shit anymore! You want to go to work and practically whore yourself out, then fine but don't fucking crawl back to me anymore!"

As I left the room, I was sickened by the pang of guilt I felt from speaking to her like that. I couldn't ever be mad at her and that pissed me off. I hated being the little boy who was still in love with her.

Who took her shit and did nothing to her in return. I knew that this speech—this monologue in my head was nothing that I hadn't thought a million times already…and I knew that in a very short amount of time, she'd be in bed with me and we'd both be pretending nothing was wrong. I knew it.

But that part of me. That tiny, immature teenage boy was winning. As always. He was throwing happy visions of Bella and I at me. Showing me what I could have. What could be. If only I gave her a bit more time to come around and fix herself. Just a little more time to heal. That little boy threw his thoughts and feelings and love at me. He convinced me that I one day I could be her hero. One day she'll look at me and see the life we could have together, if only she lets me in…

**=AYN=**

**~LazyMasochist(Marie) Twitter: (at) ElmoStew**


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